| Out of it. |
[Monday
December 14th, 2009
9:47am] |
I think I got stuck somewhere over the years.
Not that I didn't experience the different things that happened, I remember feeling certain things..love, sadness, temporary bliss, but most of all I remember being stuck. For awhile there I thought I'd stay stuck, like that was how I was supposed to be anyway. Nothing depressing though, seemed like an endless tolerance to things that shouldn't really be tolerated or settling with something that was just wrong. Yeah, obviously I did that to myself, I had no defensive wounds, no planned strategies, I was tired. So I sat there, with someone I didn't even have anything in common with, slaving through a job that didn't even appreciate the things that I sacrificed. I just sat there.
You know when your world just shakes? All of a sudden you look around and your surroundings are completely different? Sure, you're supposed to have done something to cause this kerfuffle, may it be in prayer or in action or both. But this time...in my case...I swear, I did way too little to cause such a wave of occurrences. Like all of a sudden, someone took a sledge hammer and broke through the walls that served as my comfort zone for about 2 years now.
Yeah, it's fucking bright out here, but at least I can actually feel things now...real, honest, sincere direct contact.
Thank God.
|
|
|
| dis ish por yew! |
[Tuesday
December 2nd, 2008
3:09am] |
i didn't know if he was screening your email so i thought i'd post it here for you (you know who you are)
we wanted to find out if there was anyway we can help get you back even for a few times in a day so I asked dave for helped to see if he knew anything about what josh was monitoring.
first he (dave) said you have to find whatever it is that might be monitoring you...if you want to find it that is...
cause he says, you can't really find out what a person is doing on their computer if there isn't some software that he installed that might be doing that for him. so first you have to look for that software..if you can :\ I don't know how to either. And then he wrote things down for you to do...
how to get rid of crap on your computer
1. Hit ctrl+alt+delete
2. Click on the "applications" tab and make sure there are no programs running other than what you know is running. If any of these programs looks like something you dont' want, use add/remove programs in the control panel to get rid of it.
3. Click the "processes" tab and then click on "image name" and that will sort everything alphabetically.
4.Look down the list at all the stuff. If you don't knwo what the program is or the name sounds suspicious (for example "stealAllYourFiles.exe") type the name of the process into google and see what comes up. Usually the first or second link will bring you to a page that tell you what the process does.
5. If you find something suspicious, find a way to delete it. This can be the trickier part, and add/remove programs might not work. If add/remove programs does not work, let me know and I will write out another list for getting rid of really annoying stuff.
so there....try doing that i suppose and that might bring you back to us!!!!
|
|
|
| because i can |
[Wednesday
February 14th, 2007
11:32pm] |
sorry but from now on...
if you want me to add you just comment here :P
|
|
|
| To: John Paul Jael |
[Friday
February 9th, 2007
11:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 gaddemit! |
] |
"the world is too fragile for people to be untrue. there's too much at stake, and life's too short for lies. And you're the worst kind of person in the world, because you wasted my heart, my time..."
Yours,
Jana A. Lopez
|
|
|
| drama |
[Wednesday
January 31st, 2007
10:28pm] |
ever since i was young, my mom and my dad play tennis in a country club located in paco. they used to play during saturday mornings and i'd wake up extra early to go with them. usually i'd hang out there, everyone knew me, waiters, people at the salon, people who were incharge of the pool, the woman incharge of the lady's locker room...everyone. i had some friends too, kids of others who play there. one day, after a long time of going there, i was looking for my friends (i think i was around 10 or something), i looked for them all over the place. and constantly asked the lady at the lady's locker room where they were, she said that they had been there everytime i was out. i thought maybe i had missed them...so i kept looking. i walked passed the library and glances through the window as i walked, i saw books on a table next to the window, and some heads below the table.
i got the message then. they didn't want to be with me. i stopped going to the country club for years.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
January 21st, 2007
2:05am] |
|
explain yourself. wag mo kong iniiwan sa dilim.
|
|
|
|
[Friday
January 19th, 2007
9:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
so...my birthday sucked...nyaha.
this year's not getting any better...
|
|
|
|
[Monday
January 8th, 2007
8:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
tonight, i cried so hard i puked my dinner.
|
|
|
| straightened |
[Tuesday
January 2nd, 2007
3:23pm] |
for some reason, last night, i pulled out my hair iron from the top shelf of my closet. i haven't had straight hair in two years and i guess i just wanted to see how it felt like to have it again.
after an hour of making sure it was curl free, i went straight to bed to attempt to sleep. i kept waking up because my hair felt...flat, as if it's lost it's character or something...i wanted to get up and wash it off but i thought it was way too late and i needed to get to the office the next day to get some things i left there during my christmas stay there.
today i got up, didn't wash my hair, so it kept straight...and went off to do some errands i need to run.
i guess for most women, their hair is a big part of how their day goes, or sometimes how they feel about themselves. a 7th grade teacher once cut her hair really short because she claimed that our class stressed her out so much she just had to have it cut. of course there are what you call the good hair days and the bad hair days, which strangely alters a woman's mood, not to mention a woman's choice of clothing.
after just half a day of running around shaw with long and straight i already felt like a fraud. Once i got home and entered my room and took a shower...
there, now everything's back to normal.
|
|
|
| highlights of 2006 |
[Monday
January 1st, 2007
1:25am] |
1. Birthday with the girls at greenbelt drinks at 12 noon
2. Break up with LA boy
3. Max - the cat that was supposed to be a boy.
4. 4.0 on my Thesis
5. Exhibit
6. My first Job
7. "Chicago - All my stars were for you" - Kurt Halsey (in love with a boy in Chi-town)
8. Graduation
9. HSBC Microfinance Caravan - my first office overnight
10. First shoot out of the country for ELSA (Almost 2 weeks in Mindanao)- first stop? BASILAN
11. Tinago Falls
12. ELSA photo exhibit and Video (antipolo, I wasn't even there!!)
13. POEA-Globe teaser - teaser edited in two days (i did it all by myself :P)
14. Bolinao Seminar - (motion graphics teacher - NAKS!)
15. Crush in Bolinao
16. Chicago broke my heart (great love)
17. Carla's Birthday - reunited with old friends
18. PeachTech Teasers - ("...do you eat sleep, do you breathe me anymore...do you sleep anymore??")
19. Imagic Christmas party in Chatue Verde
20. Christmas Alone - time to ponder
This year's going to rock.
|
|
|
| webcam drama |
[Saturday
December 16th, 2006
2:53am] |
*both webcams on*
him: jana? are you okay?
him: jana?
him: what's wrong?
him: what hurts?
him: are you THAT in love?
him: jan?
him: what's happening?
me: painful. heart burn i think.
20 mins of pain and one hand typing later, lying in bed still with the laptop on.
him: how do you feel exactly
me: my left arm feels so tired, parang nangangawit...
him: maybe you had a heart attack
me:....no, i'm not that lucky....JOKE :P
|
|
|
| eto na |
[Saturday
December 9th, 2006
6:13pm] |
dizzy
sick
want to puke...
what the hell is wrong with me?!
|
|
|
| it's ooh so quiet...sssshhhh sssshhhhh |
[Friday
December 8th, 2006
9:47am] |
just one sentence...and then nothing. just as if we knew there was a dead end that we avoided months ago.
now silence.
sometimes it's sad without him.
but at most times i'm alot better than i used to be.
miss you. will remember you when weird things happen. i'll drop by sometime when i'm in town.
goodbye for now :)
|
|
|
| DAMNIT! |
[Saturday
November 25th, 2006
4:39am] |
|
i woke up looking for you.
|
|
|
| on again, off again, on again, off again... |
[Friday
November 24th, 2006
12:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 numb |
] |
the vicious cycle slams me on the wall again.
here i am again with nothing to show for another try.
i know i shouldn't waste any more efforts on you...
even if i really want to.
|
|
|
| HELP |
[Tuesday
October 31st, 2006
1:57pm] |
|
i need songs that i can listen to while in a light house, or by the shore of a white sand beach... any suggestions?
|
|
|
| now THIS entry is all about you. |
[Monday
October 30th, 2006
10:21pm] |
i was in so much pain this morning i was tempted to call you...i don't know why. hearing your voice won't lessen the pain, or make it go away. it wouldn't heal me or make it all better...but i really wanted to call you. even if it meant that my bill would shoot up again, or that i was destroying another promise to you, it was so painful and the first person i thought about was you...
but i didn't call neither did i make any contact what so ever and at certain points this morning, i wish i have...but i know i shouldn't... 'til the obligatory greetings on december.
:)
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bohemianchaos's journal
silly
yikes!